Tag Archives: family

My Village. My Strength.

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  I started to give up. My friends deserved a much better post than I was giving them. A week went by that I sat staring at this picture, with that tag line “My village. My strength”. It’s how I felt in my heart, but I felt like I captured More in those four words than I could capture in several paragraphs. The problem was bigger than writers block. The problem actually wasn’t a problem at all, it was because my village is bigger than these 7 pairs of feet.

These feet belong to most of my inner circle. The people I cherish more than anything. I love their families and they love mine. We are so lucky to have each other. These are the friends you can do anything with from doing headstands on the beach to crying over wine and everything in between. These are the friends that make you laugh harder than you have ever laughed, think harder than you have ever thought, and be be better than you ever thought possible. However, they already think you are perfect the way you are. I strongly urge you to get some of these friends if you don’t have them. Then I strongly urge you to keep in touch with them. Honor the friendship and do things that strengthen it, that keep it together, that allow you to know each other in a deeper sense. You can truly belong. I love these girls.

However, I’ve allowed myself to branch out. To move away from the inner circle I felt so comfortable with. I let myself become vulnerable to others, to know others and let them know me. I let myself strike up a conversation with someone I barely know. I let them in and in return, they have let me in. With these friendships I have felt the warm embrace at difficult times with Molly, I have felt the acceptance with text messaging asking about safe foods for Charlie, I have been offered safety for my children, and I have felt the joy of moms who also like to drink wine at 2 PM on a Saturday during a play date. 

Each one of these friendships makes me better, makes me stronger, makes my family greater. My kids know a world of comfort and safety. They know community, they know caring, they know a family that extends past their family. That is a tremendous gift.

I can’t go through and thank everyone personally. But know, you are my village. You are my strength. I hope I can return the favor.

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40 days have come and gone

I.MADE.IT

We got off to a rocky start here, the first three weeks I was yelling once a week. Which was down from the three or four times it was. We hit that third week though and everything started to flow. Now about that time it warmed up about 20 degrees, days got longer and we could go outside. Might have had something to do with the change in my mood but either way, week three through six blew on by. I didn’t take those last three weeks basking in the sun though. Nope, we started potty training and we hit both kids’ (and mine) birthdays and two illnesses. We were busy. We were running. We were living.

I thought I would share a point when I noticed my change had occured. It was two days before mine and Molly’s birthday. I was working 9 hours that day, eleven the next and I had a birthday cake to make. Like all five year old girls, Molly wanted a Thomas cake and since Charlie has food allergies, Stampy and I were left to our own devices to make it. Things were going well that day and I had scheduled myself down to the minute. I knew if I could just get the cake in the oven, my mother-in-law could get it out as she was watching the kids. Turns out I had just enough eggs and cocoa to make one cake. I had just enough time to make one cake. ONE.CAKE. Dry ingredients go into the stand mixer and the rest is Charlie history. FYI, if you leave a stool next to the counter and if the stand mixer is near that stool, a three year old might climb on said stool and turn stand mixer to high. 
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Needless to say my already risen stress level went from 0-60 pretty quickly. Chocolate cake dry ingredients everywhere. Oh, and did I mention the eggs had already gone into the stand mixer?? Yup. My eggs, cocoa and time were now a dust storm all over my kitchen and three year old. He didn’t have much to say for himself other than “I’m covered in flour!”. I realized that I could yell about what just happened or I could accept what life handed me.
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I chose to accept what life handed me (seriously, I couldn’t yell at that cocoa covered face) and with that it handed me two awesome in-laws at that moment. That not only got new ingredients but baked a cake and cleaned my kitchen. Yup, that happened to. I was pretty lucky.

Did I mention we started potty training that little guy?? I’m sure more will come about that later.

Why I’m not worried about Frozen

We’ve been hit by the Frozen bug here. Frozen songs, Frozen the movie, Frozen the book, Frozen the YouTube videos, it’s everywhere. Why, because my son LOVES it. He can’t get enough. I have read him our book at least three dozen times in the past 3 days. I have seen the YouTube video of Let It Go more times that I can count today and I’m bombared with “let’s watch Frozen” morning noon and night. Never once did I think that watching it might turn either of my children inot homosexuals. That is, until last week.

This topic was brought up to me by a patient that had heard a pastor on the radio talking about how Disney has created a movie to endoctrinate our children into homosexuality. Later that day I found a friend had posted this article from Huffington Post and I started to dig into this line of thinking. I mean, seriously, how did I miss this message? Oh, right, because I took the movie at face value and not at some underlying plot theme. Also because I was probably cleaning while the kids were entertained so I wasn’t paying much attention. I sat down the next time with them to watch it. I didn’t want to miss out on some contraversial movie!

Then I started to think, “well, this does make sense. I could see how you could correlate Elsa’s struggle to that of a gay child”. And there was the shop keeper with a husband. And Elsa did turn fabulous after accepting herself. And Olaf did kind of have a lisp and was pretty happy…. However, that being said I don’t think the movie could possibly turn my child into a homosexual or that my child would even get that message.

Why?

Because my kids don’t know what “gay” or “homosexual” means. The other week I heard them asking Stampy if he “loved the girls or the boys” to which he replied “I love your mommy most, but there are boys and girls I love” to have Charlie retort “No, Daddy, you love the boys”. Obviously, we might need to sit them down and explain things to them. Or, Charlie finally solved the “Is Stampy gay” riddle. Either way, they are 3 and 5, I think they are fine in thinking that love is love.

Then there is the fact that these kids that can’t make the connection of hearing “dinner’s ready” to understanding that they need to go to the table to eat it. These are children that need every step verbalized and accounted for. Literally, every step. Phrases like “clean up” are too general for them to comprehend so how could they ever see and underlying point in a cartoon movie?? They can’t. To prove this point, I asked Molly what the movie was about. After all this is the same little girl that answered the question “why do you guys have to make everything so difficult?” with an answer of “because we are little” so I figured if any child could figure this out she could. In the end I was left more concerned by her becuase she didn’t even think the movie was about sisters. She said it was a wintertime movie. Clearly, the homosexual messages have been lost on her. 

But mostly, I don’t worry about my kids becoming homosexual after watching Frozen 8,000 times becuase for the basic fact of you don’t become that way. They either are or they aren’t. Plain and simple. And honestly, if they have a character that they can attach to and become confindent from, good for them. Good for Disney for putting it out there. I’m more than happy so see a strong, empowered role model. Especially a female one.

And this is one of the few movies where the villian doesn’t die. He just gets punched in the face and then exiled. There’s something to be said for that fact as well. Or am I the only one that noticed that?  In most Disney movies, the stand off between good and evil ends with evil being slayed, or jabbed with a jagged edge of a boat, or hung by vines in the jungle. I could go on and on. I was a teenager when the whole Little Mermaid, Lion King and Aladdin scandals broke. I had seen all those movies more times than I could count and you know how many times I noticed a penis? None. None times. How many times did I see “sex” spell out in the dust made by Simba? None. I also never really heard Aladdin instruct teenagers to take off their clothes, but I digress.

So, I will continue to enjoy the smile on Charlie’s face as he bolts out “Let it grow” at the top of his lungs knowing full well that Charlie will be who he will be and Molly will be who she will be. No matter if they watch Frozen or Transformers Rescue Bots (Molly’s favorite show) or any other show that they become obsessed with.

We are off to a rocky start

Four days. I made it four. long. days. 

When I put it like that, those that don’t know me must think I’m some lunatic, bat-shit-crazy mom that just screams at her kids all day.

I promise, I’m not. 

Some days I’m just at the end of my rope and internally pleading for the ability to do one thing without a child openly disagreeing with whatever that decision may be. Yesterday, on day 4, that decision that was ludricus was going outside to play in the 50 degree sunny weather after a winter of gray, snow and below freezing temperatures. I know, it was a bad idea. The work it took to get my kids outside for some sunshine was exhausting. I would’ve given up, only we’ve been trapped in doors for so long and I had an errand to do shortly so we had to leave the house anyway.

That wasn’t what made me yell yesterday.

It was actually a lot of things.

It was the lack of sleep I had the night before which made my patience short on a day I needed it the most. It was the constant battling to get the tiniest thing accomplished. It was the continuing education course I was trying to work on and the video wasn’t playing. It was the 2 week period of atrocious bedtimes. It was the fact that my partner was gone and I couldn’t tap out. It was everything. So after an hour of back and forth over every little thing imaginable, I lost it, yelled and sat her in time out for the umpteenth time that day. That time was the only time that it changed her behavior and mine. She shaped up, went right to bed afterwards. First time in 2 weeks she fell asleep before 9 PM. 

I would feel bad about it, normally I do, but we had a 9,000x better day today and bedtime tonight. So, maybe in that instance it did some good. At least that’s what I’m going to tell myself as we head into another week. With a time change. Awesome. 

A letter from a picky eater to a picky eater

My Dearest Daughter, 

You might not know this about your mother, but I was once a picky eater. I once ate spaghetti without sauce, only ate chicken nuggets at restaurants, and would not let a green vegetable pass by my lips. I gagged at all seafood (still do) and I thought chilli was the worst food ever. There were many foods I thought were awful without even trying. Brussell sprouts and mushrooms were on that list. I hated the smell of green peppers cooking and I didn’t eat mayo until… well, I still don’t eat that. I was lied to about ingredients in dishes and your Noni told me that she put chicken in the tuna noodle casserole. I didn’t fall for it. I still don’t eat beans, but that’s probably for the best. I had a brother that ate everything, I hated being compared to him.

It wasn’t until college that I ventured into the food world. When I did, I couldn’t believe that I had missed out on wheat bread for so long. I don’t know if it was the fact that I had roommates that ate different foods, or the fact that I wanted to fit in, or that I was older or that I was exposed to new foods, but I learned that the worst that could happen is that I wouldn’t like it and then I didn’t have to eat it again. Since then I’ve discovered fresh vegetables, pesto, chorizo, and NUTELLA! I was too scared to eat nutella. That was just insane. It will be another several years before I actually develop a healthy relationship with food and the girl that is still made fun of for asking “how do I boil water?”, is now the woman baking your bread, roasting your chicken, braising beef short ribs, making soup from scratch and growing vegetables. 

My point is, I understand. I empathize. I know your anxiety of new foods and your reluctance to eat. I get it. And after twenty years of stressful meal times I don’t plan on starting that up again. Some people will make fun of you, some will call me a bad mom, and some just won’t understand how you couldn’t possibly love shrimp. That’s ok. You’ll come around in your own time. Until then I’m going to put a green bean or a piece of beef on your plate because I won’t know if today is the day you will change your mind. I will do my best to serve you nutritious food that include foods that you will eat and occasionally I will ask you to try something new. I might even forget sometimes and press the issue. I’m your mom, I’m allowed to make mistakes if I feel it’s for your own good.

Love, 
Mom

P.S. Your father was a picky eater too, I think he turned out alright too.

Embracing Christmas

It’s no secret around here that I’m not a fan of a certain December holiday. I make no attempts to hide the fact that I really dislike Christmas. Somehow long ago I thought it was my duty to make sure everyone had a fantastic holiday and the aftermath just meant that I did not. Then, I had my normal pre-Christmas breakdown but I did something that I don’t usually do, I went over to my schedule at work and I took time off. Not because we had therapy, not for a doctor’s appointment or a school function, but just because I needed some time. Granted it was for the week after Christmas, but I took days off work for me. And it felt good.

Then it snowballed.

I found myself saying I couldn’t go to parties. Not because I had something else to do, but because I didn’t want to.

I found myself accepting the Christmas gifts we could afford and not stressing that it wasn’t enough. The kids have plenty.

I found myself not stressing when certain people didn’t provide ideas for gifts. These people will get what they get. And maybe without a gift receipt to return it.

I found myself making the kids chicken nuggets or sandwiches for dinner because Christmas baking or activities made us late for dinner.

I found myself baking less and accepting the fact that a batch of cookies turned out less than perfect.

I found myself not caring that the kids didn’t sit on Santa’s lap. Neither of them, they were both terrified.

I found myself actually living up to my so-called belief that things don’t have to be perfect.

And it felt good.

I didn’t scream “I HATE CHRISTMAS” this year. Not once. Although I did freak out a little and send my husband a text that read “I JUST WANT TO BAKE F%$&^% COOKIES”, but no one is perfect.

I’m completely prepared for the fact that once again my kids may be afraid of Christmas morning. Or maybe just Molly will. She’ll come around and when she does we will be opening our presents under the tree. Then I hope my family is prepared that I will be drinking wine out of a new wine sippy cup Santa will be leaving in my stocking. After all it’s Christmas and what kind of holiday would it be if there weren’t some day drinking involved.

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10 Things SPD has taught me

While I was pregnant I read a lot of books. Books about pregnancy, books about parenting, about sleeping, about feeding, etc etc etc. Then Molly came and I learned that I wasted a lot of time. Molly doesn’t fit into a mold and she definitely doesn’t care about what the latest experts have to say because she has her own game plan. Of course it would help if she could hand over her user manual, but she won’t, so until then I just watch and learn and hope I’m picking up the right lessons in life.

1. Cereal is appropriate for any meal or snack. Also, surprisingly, you can survive on said diet and have rock hard abs. I might make millions one day from marketing it as the newest diet fad.

2. Surround yourself with people and things that make you happy. Never in my life have I met someone that openly avoids things and people they dislike. I think how much better life would be if adults could have the same kind of freedom.

3. The world is a scary place and there is nothing wrong with carrying someone that needs your help or asking to be carried.

4. Headphones don’t need music attached. Sometimes they just block out the world. Maybe I should just buy ear muffs for her.

5.  Sleep is vital. I actually knew this one and am really happy my children agree and get a good 12 hours a night. I can be kind of bitchy and whiny without sleep.

6. Noises are awful, unless she is making it. Apparently loud banging or high pitched shrieking is okay if you make the noise. Anyone else is unacceptable.

7.Sunglasses inside aren’t just for hangovers

8. Pick your battles. This goes for the kids as well as adults or other parents. Sometimes it really is easier to say “Ok” even when you don’t agree and save your energy for the things that matter.

9. No matter what the weather is outside, clothing is optional inside. .

10. Rules are made to be followed. However, feel free to bend them as much as you can get away with. Never in my life have I met someone that can follow rules so closely but then manipulate her way into breaking them without actually breaking them. I need to learn a few lessons of manipulation from this girl. Case in point, we started a house rule about inappropriate touching. After discussing it Molly asked for a hug and then proudly announced that “My chin touched your boobies!”This girl is clever.