I was once a lifeguard. It didn’t seem like that long ago, until I started talking to the now assistant manager of our pool and realized I sounded like Grandma telling him about my days as assistant manager at the pool when he was five years old. Ugh. I’m older than I like to realize. So that being said, I feel like I need to apologize in advance to the lifeguards at our pool this summer.

Dear Lifeguards,

I was once you. I was once 19 and fancy free. I had lots of opinions and little experience to actually back them up. I’ve lived your carefree life and I know what irks you and makes you roll your eyes. In no particular order, I apologize in advance for the following things.

1. We will be there any day that does not have lightening. If it’s raining, we will probably be there and I’m sorry. However, I can’t keep my kids in my house and our backyard just doesn’t cut it when they can go to the pool. I also need to get out. Staying home makes me realize that I have carpets that need to be vacuumed, dishes that need be washed and a bathroom that is need of cleaning. None of these things will get done no matter what, so I might as well not have to look at them.

2. Charlie will run on the pool deck. I will tell him to walk but he will be the kid you yell at all summer long. 

3. Molly will scream in fear for no apparent reason. Don’t worry, she won’t get her head wet and is extremely cautious so the chances of her going under are minute however her voice will be loud. 

4. One child will insist on being in the baby pool, the other in the big pool. This will mean I will have to stand at the gate and divide my attention and yell at them from away. It also means that I might not actually be in the baby pool gate with my child as your rules so apply.

5. Speaking of rules, I grew up there, I life-guarded and managed there, I was on the swim team and my face is all over the club house in many picture collages, I didn’t follow them back then, I may not now. 

6. Molly will not flush a toilet. She doesn’t like the noise. 

7. One of my children might be naked. It’s just how it is.

8. I might talk to you about the old days. Thank you in advance for being polite.